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Keeping the Love Alive in Long Distance Relationships

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 02:01:25 +0000

Long distance relationships seem to be a theme among my closest and dearest: my sister's husband is a military man, a good friend has a movie producer for a partner, my Dad was a truck driver and I used to date a fellow who works as an engineer - in Antarctica.

In each of these relationships, both partners have struggled (at times) to keep the love alive. It's difficult to stay connected sometimes to someone who lives mere minutes away, much less a partner who is stationed overseas or works remotely. Yet people in long distance relationships do it every single day. Some even manage to have "dates" together, which I find admirable.

Have you been in a long distance relationship? How have you managed to keep the love alive?

Best Adult Dating Site 2012

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 00:52:31 +0000

I was hesitant to add this category to the 2012 Dating Readers' Choice awards, because I wasn't sure how many people would vote, or if folks even considered adult or casual dating, 'dating'. I didn't need to worry however, as the nominations came pouring in for an interesting group of sites, all of which have solid backgrounds in the online dating field, save one.

So which adult dating site is your favorite? Take a peek for more information about the 2012 Adult Dating Site Finalists first, or vote now and let us know what you think in the comments.

Most Innovative Dating Site 2012

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 00:46:27 +0000

You've spent weeks nominating the dating sites that you think are cool, unusual, different or just plain fun - and I've loved taking a peek at all of them! However, only five could make it as finalists, and after a week of tallying the numbers and creating content to help you all decide, I present to you the best of the best, as decided by you, dear readers. So take a peek at the Most Innovative Dating Sites of 2012, and vote for your favorite!

2012 Best College Dating Site

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 00:44:52 +0000

When the nominations for the best dating sites of 2012 started rolling in, I noticed an interesting trend in the Niche Dating Site category: there were a surprising number of dating sites that catered to college and university students getting nominated, to the point of pushing out all other contenders. So, I've added this new category at the last minute to give these sites a fair shake against their fellow competitors, as well as to let the smaller, nichier dating sites their own space to shine.

Four college dating sites made it to this best-of list, many of which I'd never heard of prior to these awards. Voting opens February 22nd and closes on March 21st, 2012, and the winner will get crowned a week later. Think some other site should have made it to the list? Want to share your thoughts about the ones already here? Feel free to comment, but make sure you vote, first.

Best Dating App 2012

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 00:23:27 +0000

Do you use dating apps to find love, sex or a marriage partner? Most singles would have likely said no a few years ago, but what with the explosion of smartphones in the past few years, handheld devices with a variety of relationship applications seem to crop up in the most interesting of places.

The dating app category, like last year, had a huge variety of nominees, but only five could make the finalist cut. These are your favorites, and now it's time to see which one wins your ultimate approval. Learn more about each dating app, vote now, and debate which one you think will win the comments.

Best Niche Dating Site 2012

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 00:23:00 +0000

After several weeks of nominations, I've tallied and compiled the list of finalists. Five of your favorite dating sites have made the cut for this year's best niche dating site category, with only one repeat from last year's awards. Take a boo at the list for more details about each site, vote below, or comment on what site you think should win, and why.

Best Overall Dating Site 2012

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 00:17:12 +0000

For the second year in a row, you, the readers of this dating information and advice website, have chosen five of your favorite dating sites to compete for the title of Best Overall Dating Site. There were a lot of nominees in this category, but only the top five get to move on to the next round - the voting stage! From February 22nd to March 21st, 2012, you can vote for your favorites, let your friends know, and see who is in the running for the coveted top spot. All of the finalists are listed in alphabetical order, and if you'd like to learn more about each of them before voting, take a peek at the Best Overall Dating Site Finalists for 2012.

To learn more about this program, visit the 2012 Dating Readers' Choice Awards FAQ.

Best Dating Book 2012

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 00:16:11 +0000

I read a lot of dating books, and get more than I could ever read in a given year. Having said, that, I'm addicted learning more about dating and relationships, if only to help my readers find their nirvana. So with that in mind, I'm thrilled to share with you the five dating book finalists for 2012, those books that readers like you read, loved and nominated. All of these books were published sometime in 2011, and they're presented in alphabetical order. So sit down, peruse their pages, vote for your favorite, and share your thoughts in the comments.

To learn more about this program, visit the 2012 Dating Readers' Choice Awards FAQ.

Best Dating Blog 2012

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 00:11:55 +0000

There were more nominees in this category than any other this year, and for good reason. Lots of dating blogs have popped up recently, and even more amazing sites have ramped up their content, blogging efforts and focus on their readers as well. These five however were your favorites during the several-week long nomination phase, and now it's time to vote. For more information about these dating blogs, check out the 2012 Best Dating Blog Finalists list, and then vote below for your favorite.

Best New Dating Site 2012

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 00:10:45 +0000

I love this Readers' Choice Award category, because I get to try out all these new, cool dating sites that I've never heard of before, and oftentimes they blow me away with their fun ideas, new ways of connecting, or their lighthearted layouts. This year was no different, and I hope that you all try out these sites (if you haven't already) to see what they offer and if you'd like to become a full fledged member. Almost like the Academy Awards of dating, where we all see the best motion pictures in an attempt to figure out what everyone else thinks is the best of the best - but in this case, you, the reader, get to decide.

So which new dating site (that started in 2011) gets your vote? Learn more about each site at the 2012 New Dating Site Finalists page, or vote now and debate which is your favorite and why in the comments.

To learn more about this program, visit the 2012 Dating Readers' Choice Awards FAQ.

2012 Best Free Dating Site

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 00:03:36 +0000

Finding a decent free dating site about a decade ago was an impossible task; they just didn't exist. Plenty of Fish changed that playing field forever, and now there are more free dating sites popping up every day that I can keep track of.

A lot of free dating sites got nominated in this category this year, but only five could make it to the finalists list. If you'd like to learn more about these companies and what they offer, take a peek at the Best Free Dating Site Finalists for 2012, or, vote below from February 22nd to March 21st for your favorite.

To learn more about this program, visit the 2012 Dating Readers' Choice Awards FAQ.

Dating Interns Wanted

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 22:55:30 +0000

If you're a current undergraduate or graduate student looking for some experience writing about, or contributing to, dating-related content on the web, I'd love to talk to you. I'm looking for two interns for the first half of 2012: one that will write dating-content, the other that will help with javascript programming to help display that content in a fun, interactive way.

The writing intern will write one article a month between 650-800 words, on topics that are closely dating-related, with guidance from me. You can work from home, anywhere in the world, and have strict deadlines to maintain. This is an unpaid, internship position, but you will learn a tremendous amount about writing for the web, creating content for an online audience, and will receive a byline with a link to more information about your education and experience. I need an intern who can write interesting, engaging content, using research and personal experience in a professional manner, and that understands how to reference source materials appropriately.

The programming intern will work on a total of two projects, one for each two month period, that will assist me in presenting content through forms and spreadsheets. A solid understanding of javascript is required, as well as the willingness to work virtually and under deadline. Your work will also receive a byline, with a link to your expertise and experience.

For the writing internship, current graduate or undergraduate students in psychology, sociology or creative writing/journalism programs are welcome to apply, while computer science students are preferred for the programming internship. The deadline for applications is February 27th, 2012 at dating.guide@about.com.

For those of you not interested or eligible in this position, I'd love it if you forwarded this blog posting along to a friend who might be.

What Was Your Best Date Ever?

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 02:06:51 +0000

Have you ever had a date that you knew you'd never forget, no matter what happened with the relationship? One that took your breath away, one that made you giggle, or one that just plain made you feel great?

I've heard some dating disaster doozies, and a lot of love stories that made my heart swell. But what I'm after are those dates that will go down in your personal history as one of the best dates of all time - and I'd love to know why said date was so amazing. Did you share great chemistry, or did the words just flow like with no one else? Was it a first date, or was it with someone you'd been dating for years? Were any intimacies exchanged, or was it more lighthearted and and carefree? Did you share your first kiss on the date, or did you do something else - or nothing at all?

I'd like to collect a huge database of the best dates ever, so that other singles and dating couples can read through the list, get inspired, try some of the great date ideas themselves, and report back how their amazing date fared. So don't be shy and share your good date stories - and maybe even win the reader story of the week.

Last Minute Valentine Gifts

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 00:20:44 +0000

A few recent emails have asked me what kind of Valentine gifts readers could buy for their partner at the last minute - either because they'd completely forgotten about the event, really had no clue what to do and waited until the last minute, or had just started a relationship and weren't sure if they should get their new partner something special.

For those in the forgetful camp, I've created a small but fun list of last minute valentine gifts, most of which are inexpensive. I've also tried to include a few on the list that were appropriate for newer couplings as well as more seasoned partnerships. I'd also recommend taking a peek at my first date gift ideas for those new to each other - everything on the list is inexpensive, fun, and lighthearted enough to share early on, while still providing ample opportunity for romance and/or get-to-know-you conversations.

Do you have any suggestions for last minute valentine gifts, or has your partner ever surprised you with something truly magical that probably didn't take a lot of time to set up?

More last minute valentine gift ideas:

Flower Gifts - why last minute? Because they deliver!
Valentines Day Chocolatesmost of these only have another day to ship, so you may want to order right now if you'd like it in time.
Plant A Tree Gift - Self explanatory probably; you purchase a tree on behalf of your partner virtually, and the tree is named after them in their honor. Or, you could go to a nursery and purchase a small tree and plant it together as a symbol of your love growing for one another.
Romantic Valentine Ideas - Everything on this list is something you can create with a day's notice or less.
Romantic Dinner for Two - I like pairing this one with the dinner and a movie date idea personally, but you could just go all out making dinner instead.
Romantic Text Messages - Honestly, there's no reason why you can't use your cell phone to create romance with your partner. Maybe a lovey scavenger hunt, or a series of short, cute love quotes throughout the day?
You Light Up My Life Romantic Idea - Quick, simple, and only as far away as the dollar or toy store.

Single On Valentines Day?

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 02:53:38 +0000

How important is Valentine's Day to you? The answer to that might determine if you're morose about being alone or happy about celebrating Valentine's Day single.

But what if instead, those who are still single/single again amongst us, decided to claim Valentine's Day as our own? As a day to celebrate love in all of its forms, including most importantly the ability to love oneself - no matter how we feel about February 14th?

So say instead of looking at the cheap Valentine's Day ideas that I've written from the perspective as a person part of a couple, you look at the suggestions instead as a single person pampering themselves like no one else can. Maybe all you want to do is curl up with a good book and a mug of cold beer - why not take advantage, avoid the Valentine's Day crowd, and plan for it? Or maybe being social is more your thing - so why not throw a Valentine's Day costume party for all of your single friends?

Are you single this Valentine's Day? What do you plan on doing, if anything? When single, do you celebrate St. Valentine's Day? To choose an answer, click on the appropriate link, or if you feel I've missed something please feel free to share your comments.

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Are You Ready for Valentine's Day?

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 03:01:51 +0000

I'm curious. How many people really aren't prepared for Valentine's Day? And how many single people shun the holiday completely? Vote now in the poll below by clicking on the link you choose.

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What To Do For St. Valentine's Day?

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 00:49:45 +0000

With only ten days to go, I'm getting a lot of questions about St. Valentine's Day. Where should we go? What should we do? What do I do with a gift that I bought in anticipation for February 14th now that we broke up? How do I honor a day of love when I'm not feeling very loving or lovable? And the most asked question of late: How do I meet someone before St. Valentine's Day?

Because of (and to answer) these questions, I'll be blogging lots on the topic in the next few days. For now however, I've posted a What To Do For St. Valentine's Day index. Have I missed anything? Let me know in the comments.

Reader Asks For Some Senior Dating Help

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 15:47:37 +0000

Stuart is a 60-something single gay man who hasn't dated in over 30 years, mostly because he's been taking care of an ailing parent in a challenging situation. He's eager to meet someone, and specifically wants to find a kindred soul that understands his unique situation - but he has no idea where to start, much less how to navigate the senior dating waters - which admittedly are very different from those we tread in during our 20s, 30s, and beyond.

Stuart would like suggestions on how to find someone as well as how to make time for a new relationship, and is eager to hear from other singles in similar life circumstances, especially those who identify as being gay or bisexual. I've got my own ideas for Stuart which I've posted (When Taking Care of an Ailing Parent, How Do You Date?), but I'd love to hear what you think.

Readers' Choice Award Nominations

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 21:11:29 +0000

A few years ago, About.com's Guide to Instant Messaging started his own Readers' Choice Awards, where the most devoted IM fans nominated, and then voted, on a plethora of their favorite things, all related to Instant Messaging. Three years later, more than 100 About.com Guides are taking part - along with me, your Guide to Dating.

This is the second year that I'm running these awards, and I think I've got a great list of categories that covers many of the major online dating sites. There are quite a few to choose from - nominate someone in all categories, just one, or any combination that works for you - but I may have missed a few. Feel free to email me if you think I should add another next year. Also, please note that you'll have to log in to nominate, but you can nominate as many sites as you like, as many times as you like once you have.

Our categories for this year's Readers' Choice Awards for Dating, are:

Best Overall Dating Site
Best Free Dating Site
Best New Dating Site Started During 2011
Best Mobile Dating Site
Best Dating Site for Seniors
Best Matching Dating Site
Best Niche Dating Site (that doesn't fit into the other categories)
Best Dating App
Most Innovative Dating Site
Best Dating Blog
Best Dating Book Published in 2011

There are also a few other categories and sites with dating-related nomination categories:

There are however lots of other categories that aren't dating-related, so be sure to vote for your favorites. Nominations for the 2012 Readers' Choice Awards close February 15th, 2012, so stay tuned via RSS or the newsletter to hear which dating sites, books, blogs, and apps made the finals and eventually won.

Getting Crafty For Valentine's Day

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 01:02:11 +0000

I'm not a huge Valentine's Day person, I'll admit. But the year that the guy I was dating at the time made me both a gift (a photo book) and dinner (a luxurious all-out affair) is one that I'll never, ever forget. So if you're the crafty type who wants to make something special for your sweetie - or hey, even for yourself if you're single - then some of my fellow Guides here at About.com have the digs:

Valentine's Day Knitting Projects
My favorite? The 'hugs and kisses' XOXO scarf, which I've knit a few times myself.

Beaded Safety Pin Patterns
Maybe for the younger set, but still fun nonetheless.

DIY Sexy Valentine's Day Gifts
A whole host of fun, exciting and very sexy ideas to make for your partner.

Valentine's Day Quilts
Ok, you might not have time to make a whole quilt before February 14th, but maybe you do if you start now? Quilters, you'll have to chime in on this one.

Valentine's Day Soap Projects
Ooh, yummy. Ok I think I might have to try a few of these myself. Not for my partner. No, no. For myself! Hm, or maybe I'll try making these cocoa butter massage bars instead.

Fabric Heart Treat Bag
From our Guide to Sewing, a cute little bag to make that could hold something small but significant.

Valentine's Day Pottery Projects
A vase to hold those valentine's day flowers perhaps?

Valentine's Day Painting Projects
Wow, there's a huge list of ideas and projects to choose from here, most of which are perfect for beginners.

Valentine's Day Jewelry Making Projects
A three page list of jewelry projects, mostly for women, that are skewed from beginners to advanced levels.

Draw a Manga Valentine's Day Card
Unusual but perfect for the manga-lover in your life.

Crocheted Valentine's Day Arrangement
With a few flowers from your garden, this would make a lovely gift.

Free Bead Patterns for Valentine's Day
A handful of cute, small projects from the Guide to Beadwork.

Love Coupons
Inexpensive and easy enough for anyone to do, you can use the list of ideas presented here or make your own. Make Your Own Valentine's Day Cards
So much more personal when you do it yourself, with the help of some ink and stamps.

Create a Romantic Presentation
Alright, so its not quite crafty, but it is DIY. Use Powerpoint to make your partner a Valentine's Day themed presentation with the tips and tricks suggested here.

Couples Dating

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 00:06:52 +0000

Several websites have recently cropped up that cater to couples looking to meet other couples for friendship, according to The Times Argus and The Telegraph.

The concept is simple: couples wanting to meet other couples for social encounters (not adult dating or swinging, however - there are many sites that cater to that niche market already) can sign up, log in, and create a profile for the kind of couple they are looking for. Think of it as Friendster for couples, or as both of the websites mentioned above call it: couples dating.

I may have been single for a while, but I would never have thought of using a website when in a relationship to meet other couples for friendship, and was surprised to see how many already exist - although all of them are still building their user bases. Kupple already has more than 2500 couples listed, Couplets is offering free memberships to anyone who joins before the site hits 2500 members, Couplicity.com is offering a free six month membership to build its user base, and CouplesWorldWide.com offers free memberships to anyone who hosts a couples dating event in their community.

Do you think couples dating is the newest trend in social networking sites? And for those of you in a dating relationship, would you sign up at one of these couples dating sites to meet new people?

Romantic Valentine's Day Travel or Romantic Staycation?

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 22:27:28 +0000

If you or your sweetie have been dropping hints this year to go somewhere special this Valentine's Day, now is the time to plan and book your romantic getaway - or a staycation if the idea suits your pocketbook or work requirements more. Some ideas:

And what about those of you staying home this Valentine's Day? I've got a host of cheap Valentine's Day ideas compiled already, as well as a list of romantic Valentines Day ideas. Some of my favorites:

Buy some massage oils or bars (Buy Direct) and make a night of working through a whole book devoted to the subject together, such as Sensual Massage Made Simple (Buy Direct).
Gather together the fixings for each of your favorite sundae toppings, and then have fun making the ultimate masterpiece for each other instead of doing it yourself.
Play a couples game together, letting the winner choose his or her prize beforehand. Perhaps breakfast in bed, or a fantasy lived out? Its your choice.
Ladies, there are a great many Valentine's Day costumes to dress up in, or both of you could dress up and play out some of your more original or unique daydreams with your partner. (For costume ideas, try the Halloween Costumes for Couples or Singles articles - some of the singles options are particular sexy and appropriate).

Are you going away this Valentine's Day, or stay at home and spend some quality time with the person you're dating?

Low Income Mothers Don't Trust Men

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 02:33:44 +0000

... or so says a study shared in the Journal of Marriage and Family, as reported by Science News. Almost all of the participants in the study (96%!) were found to have "strong distrust" of the opposite sex, yet when asked about their current relationship, they stated it was of a "trusting" nature. As well, the distrust of said men didn't stop these low income women from entering into romantic, long term relationships.

I have to say that reading this study made me pause, as did the friends I shared it with. The actual information didn't surprise any of us. Rather, the percentage of women is what was frightening. Do virtually all lower income women find men untrustworthy? And if so, why are they entering into relationships with essentially the same gender they have obvious unresolved issues with?

The study went on to say that because of this mismatched trust (feeling distrustful of men in general but stating that their current relationship was trustworthy) put the women who were a part of the study at further risk for unhealthy relationships, basically doing whatever they had to to give their partner the benefit of the doubt.

What do you think about the findings of this study? What would you suggest to low income moms, or the men who date them, in response to this study?

Related: When Not To Date

Is He Always Going To Think Of Me As The Crazy Girl?

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 17:18:06 +0000

Rani asks: My best friend got me and her childhood friend to start talking, but he lives 6 hours away from me and I've never met him. He told her initially he's not looking for a girlfriend, which was cool because I figured we could be friends. We talked for hours on the phone. For 4 months we were close. Then he started saying things like, I can't wait to see you, you're so interesting, you're my best friend. That got me really excited, and I thought maybe he meant as more than just friends.

I'd planned to meet him at a wedding near his place as a friend of mine had invited me. I told him about it, but then on the advice of my friends started playing games and told him I wanted to meet him, and then told him I didn't... I was all over the map. And then I read He's Just Not That Into You, which got me really depressed. This girl in the book said, "I got empowered and I said I don't need to talk to you anymore," so that night I texted him confessing that I was into him and that it sucks when the guy your into doesn't like you back. For 2-3 weeks after that he didn't call.

I contacted him to see what was up because I got impatient, and he told me he was sorry for everything but just wanted to be friends. So we talked for two hours, and he said he might be coming with my brother to visit soon but, "Don't go all nuts on me if I don't". I told him I'm cool - and I want to SHOW him that I'm cool. I regret playing games with this guy and really want to see him more than anything in the world. Do you think I can get him back, or is he always going to think of me as the crazy girl?

Oh Rani, I do feel for you. I get a lot of these kinds of emails every week, the "I acted crazy now how do I fix it?" kind of requests. Unfortunately, there isn't much I can suggest to you that you'll want to hear. If the two of you had been in a relationship for six months? My answer might be different, but not by much.

My advice is to take a huge step back from this guy. He's already got it in his head he's not into you like that, and with a six hour difference between where the two of you live, I doubt that will change. Plus, with your admitted "crazy girl' antics, it makes anything romantic that much harder.

I understand that you feel this guy is worth it, but there are many people in this world that you'll meet throughout your travels that will wow you. I think its time to take a step back and really get over this guy - get over a relationship that was nothing more than a friendship, because at no point did you ever meet, nor did he say he was into you - and start living your life for YOU. What struck me the most in your question was all of the maneuvering you were trying to do - from seeing him in the first place, to arranging to meet after the whole blow up so he'd see you weren't crazy. It's time to take a break from this guy and start doing things for YOU. Forget if he'll be somewhere or not. Forget trying to arrange your schedules. Forget about even interacting with the guy until you honestly feel like you can be just friends.

It's time to take your power back. Focus on getting yourself to a place of happiness with or without a guy and work on cultivating your self esteem. Spend some time mourning the relationship that could have been, kick the relationship bad habits, and make sure you've figured out some boundaries for yourself for the next time someone you like comes along. Then, be your amazing, feel good self - and you won't feel the need to play games to get a guy, because they'll be flocking to get YOUR attention.

How Long Do You Wait To Have Sex?

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 13:30:58 +0000

A handful of reader questions of late have focused on sex: when to have it, what frequency is normal, and what to do if one partner isn't into it. Coupled with some recent research study findings that women are seeking more casual dating relationships, and

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The 2012 Dating Readers' Choice Awards

Fri, 06 Jan 2012 22:05:51 +0000

For year two of the Dating Readers' Choice Awards, I'd like to add a significant number of categories for you, the readers, to nominate and vote upon as being your favorites. These are the categories we started with last year, and with links to the respective nominees and winners:

During the nomination period, I had several dating site owners, readers and experts suggest other categories that I'd missed, and so I took note to add them to this year's list. Therefore, the new categories for the Dating Readers' Choice Awards, are:

Nominations open January 18th, 2012 for this year's awards, so I'll post the forms and final categories soon. Until then, what do you think, dear readers? Have I forgotten an important category in the dating world that needs adding? Are there too many categories?

Dating New Years Resolutions

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 00:58:56 +0000

Do you have any dating-related New Years resolutions this year? I've solicited singles, couples and experts for their views and ideas, creating two New Years resolution lists that I think will be helpful to a lot of readers:

A couple of the suggestions - such as 39-year-old Megan Reese's of creating a 'Man Plan' for her dating life - are extensive yet focused, while others are simple shifts in one's worldview to improve either the relationships we are attracting, or those we already have. And then there is a whole other level of New Years resolution, and I've found one that is so above and beyond the norm (but fascinating!) that it deserved more than just a quick quip in an article.

The first comes from best selling authors and challenge creators Pastor Kerry Shook and his wife Chris. Their book, One Month to Live, suggest that those wanting a dramatic shift in their lives just need to think about what they'd do if they only had thirty days left. From one of their press releases:

"Arguably, resolutions fail because there's no sense of urgency. With a whole year ahead to reach the goal, it's easy to relegate it to the back burner or forget about it altogether. Indeed, in one study nearly 40 percent of respondents cite having too many other things to do as the reason for breaking their resolutions. But what if instead of just making resolutions you acted as if you had only 30 days to live and to really make a difference in your life?"

What about you? Have you ever gone to extreme lengths to find a date? Would you? Have you resolved to improve about your dating life or relationship for 2012?

Attracting Positive Relationships

Sat, 24 Dec 2011 01:26:41 +0000

"Energy flows where attention goes."

A Huna saying that has found a new set of followers through the book, "The Secret", this is what was emblazoned on a bookmark I received for Christmas a few years back from a dear friend. And although I've heard the phrase before, for some reason this time I can't get it out of my head.

Like many singles, I too get stuck sometimes thinking about the "nts" in my dating life. Some of the ones I've heard recently from readers:

I don't feel attractive/skinny/smart enough;
Why couldn't s/he have given me a chance/been faithful/trusted me;
I'll never find a date/love/satisfaction in a relationship...

You get my jist. We all have our 'nts', and some are a bit more challenging than others. But what if we were to ignore those 'nts', just for a couple of days, and focus instead on what we want to bring into our lives, essentially attracting the kind of energy/relationship we're looking for?

About.com's Guide to Holistic Healing has written a lovely article about Attracting Positives, using a technique that focuses on surrounding yourself with positive images, whether they be physical, mental or spiritual manifestations. I think I'll create my own little Book of Positives, kind of like the one in Queen Latifah's movie, Last Holiday as my gift to myself these next few days. My pre- New Years' resolution, if you will.

What about you? How do you stay positive when dating, or looking for love? What techniques have worked for you?

More on this topic: Relationship Expectations

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Being Alone During the Holidays

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 22:08:08 +0000

A few times in my life, I've had nothing to do for Christmas, or during the holiday season in general. Both of my parents passed away when I was young, and I've always felt self-conscious inviting myself over to a friends' place for Christmas dinner. Throughout the years I've done various things to keep me busy, distracting myself from the thought of being alone:

Creating a tradition to share with a friend, which at the time was going to see an animated or kids movie in the theater on Christmas Day;
Volunteering at a soup kitchen or Meals on Wheels;
Watching sappy, romantic holiday movies; and/or
Inviting everyone I knew over for Christmas dinner.

Some years however, like this one, I've found myself grieving a loss and not feeling much like celebrating. Friends and family have kept me cheerful, and the Secret Santa exchanges I participated in this year warmed my heart. One gesture in particular from a group of my colleagues here at About.com made me feel more grateful, humble and thankful than I have in years, and I can't thank them enough. It reminded me that people do care and want to help those struggling in any way they can.

So for those of you feeling alone this time of year and with whatever celebration you normally recognize, this post is for you. I've written an article about Being Alone During the Holidays in response to this feeling I've had since mid November-ish, and I hope it provides assistance and comfort to those who need it. For everyone else, I'd love it if you shared how you cope with being single, alone, or otherwise sad during the Christmas season, or how you're currently struggling with it and how you plan on working through it.

Finding Passion and Inspiration In Our Dating Lives

Sun, 18 Dec 2011 21:54:24 +0000

Last night, I went to see Prince. The ticket price was well over what I've ever paid for a concert in the past, and I was somewhat leery that I'd get my money's worth. Once I arrived at the arena however, I had nothing to worry about. When I got to my seat I was both flabbergasted and overwhelmed: I was maybe a foot or two from the stage, at eye level of The Artist himself, and smack in front of the piano - right where a lot of the action took place. I was so close, I could hear him singing without the microphone at times, could see the sweat on his brow, and all of his facial expressions, little moments and other tidbits that folks sitting further away missed completely. I laughed, I cried, I sang and danced, and felt inspired, passionate, and alive. It was worth every penny.

So what does this have to do with this dating blog? For me, lots. I want to help create that sort of feeling, excitement, and passion in all of you, just like Prince did for me last night. And although I'll never be a rock star, I'd like to think that what I write here helps people, makes their lives better, and helps us all to find, keep, maintain and nourish the kinds of relationships we all long for.

So I ask you, dear readers: What can I, or any dating blogger or expert for that matter, do create that kind of positive energy in your life, in your relationships, and in your heart?

Christmas Music and Your Partner

Sat, 17 Dec 2011 02:05:59 +0000

There's a lot of holiday-themed posts on my Facebook page of late, but none that grabbed my attention as much as one about Christmas music. Without breaking any confidences, the person posting stated they love this time of year and the happy feelings it engenders in many of us,but that if they had to listen to one more Christmas tune from their partner's playlist, they'd go berserk.

What followed was a fun debate about what kinds of Christmas music was appropriate to share, and which tunes make us all cringe and wonder why we're in a relationship with the person enjoying said music in the first place. Some folks bemoaned the Celine Deon, Jessica Simpson and Justin Bieber Christmas CDs, while others suggested trying the holiday editions of Annie Lennox, Rat Pack and Putumayo. While I don't normally listen to Christmas music at all, I'm quite fond of Vince Guaraldi's A Charlie Brown Christmas, or Boney M's Christmas Album. For me, a tad odd, since these are both CDs that came out well before my time, and don't fall within my normal music-listening spectrum.

What about you? Do you enjoy listening to the same holiday tunes as your partner, or do you cringe each time they load their playlist, CD player or start signing along to the radio?

Dating While Snowed In

Wed, 14 Dec 2011 14:26:29 +0000

I currently live on an island - one that doesn't often get snow, much less temperatures in the freezing range. And yet, one early, sleeping night, I woke up to huge fluffy white flakes everywhere.

I'm sure I'm not the only single snowed who feels snowed in (even if the snow didn't stick), wishing he or she were out and about meeting new people, socializing, working, or planning Christmas party shenanigans. And I'm also quite positive there are more than a few dating couples who are also frustrated, either unable to get to their partner's place or feeling cooped up with nothing to do together.

Although I love the snow (as I'm sure the local ski hill does as well), I sometimes find it challenging to get out and socialize when it's as cold as it is here today. Once I actually get to my cozy destination however, I'm usually quite content with wherever I've ended up -- until I need to go back outside again. So I coax myself home with the knowledge that a good book and a comforting soup are waiting for me at home to curl up with.

I've heard several stories of late from readers and friends who've admitted they met the person they are dating during inclement weather, or who were out enjoying activities only partaken during the winter months, such as skiing or ice fishing. I even heard from one couple who met during a snow camping expedition for an Outward Bound -type organization.

What about you? Do you find it harder to meet people when the weather is challenging? Do you use nasty outside temperatures as an excuse to spend more time with the person you are dating?

Being a Sappy Single During the Holidays

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 00:33:49 +0000

It's during the holidays that, when single, I become a huge sap. Even if I'm happy not being in a relationship, I still find I long for a partnership during the holidays.

Readers of this blog already know I'm a romantic at heart, even if recent studies are showing more and more people are favoring a lifestyle of hooking up, casual sex and friends with benefits instead of actual dating (see The Definition of Dating and The Death of Dating? for more on this topic).

Having said all of that, this doesn't mean that I'll jump into a relationship because I'm feeling a bit lonely by myself under the mistletoe. Being swept off one's feet by a romantic stranger just seems better in the movies sometimes -- which is why, whenever I find myself in this frame of mind, I watch movies like While You Were Sleeping and When Harry Met Sally. Again.

I don't normally go out of my way to watch romantic comedies, or even sappy romances for that matter. Yet during the holidays, I can't seem to get enough of the romantic holiday movie fare. Especially when I'm single.

Am I the only one, or do other singles feel this twinge of something or other this time of year? What do you do about it, if anything at all?

Poll Shows 1 in 3 Women Would End Their Relationship Over a Bad Holiday Gift

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 14:09:58 +0000

Just over five thousand users of dating website FreeDating.co.uk were polled a few years back,

asking if they'd end a relationship because of a bad gift that holiday season, with 36% of all female respondents answering a resounding, "Yes!" Only 17% of the men answering the poll answered the same.

What was a "bad" gift, in the pollsters' minds? Some examples included, "cooking utensils, cleaning products, and a sticky tape dispenser".

Interestingly, highly educated women and women working in the legal profession had even higher requirements, with two thirds of respondents in those categories stating they'd dump their partner for poor present choices.

What about you? Would you end a relationship over a bad holiday gift? Have you ever received a gift that you deemed in poor taste and ended a relationship because of it? What did you get?

Stubbly Men More Appealing, Says Study

Sun, 27 Nov 2011 16:13:41 +0000

Psychology Today had an interesting article in their November 2008 edition that spoke of how men with either a bit of stubble or a short beard were more attractive than a clean-shaven or fully bearded man, and that guys with longer facial hair were deemed more manly, powerful, aggressive and seasoned than their baby-faced counterparts.

There was a caveat to the study however: the sixty women interviewed found the men with light stubble the most suitable for both short and long term relationships, which the article explained away as saying stubble means you're mature enough to have facial hair, but a full beard is too much of a good thing. Still, several of the study participants felt the need to share with the researchers at Northumbria University that, even though they found a clean-shaven man less attractive, they preferred their partners to have a smooth face when they were intimate together.

What do you think? Do men with a bit of stubble appeal to you more, or would you rather they sport a clean-shaven look?

For More Information:

In Romantic Gifts for Men, what to use after the initial stubble has done its job;
Psychology Today Subscription (Buy Now)
More Dating Research

_{Reference: Hutson, M. (2008, November). In the Rough. Psychology Today, 41(6), 24-24.}

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