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Presidential Wit and Wisdom

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 10:00:36 +0000

In honor of President's Day, here's a collection of some of the funniest quotes by U.S. presidents:

"A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward." —President Franklin Roosevelt

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." —President Abraham Lincoln

"I want you to know that also I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience." —President Ronald Reagan, during a 1984 presidential debate with Walter Mondale

"Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening." —President Bill Clinton

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� Late-Night Political Jokes

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Political Cartoons of the Week

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 07:00:57 +0000

Check out our political cartoon gallery featuring the week's best political cartoons.

New this week: cartoons on surging Santorum, the contraception controversy, Romney's "severe" conservatism, and more.

More Political Cartoon Collections
� Best Political Cartoons of 2011
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How People See Obama

Sat, 18 Feb 2012 03:48:44 +0000

This funny image making the rounds, inspired by the "How People See Me/What People Think I Do" meme, pokes fun at the way people see President Obama:

Here's another picture lampooning what people think the Republican presidential candidates do vs. what they really do:

More Funny Pictures:
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Craziest Rick Santorum Quotes

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 18:50:40 +0000

With Rick Santorum surging in the polls, here's a roundup of crazy quotes by everyone's favorite sweater vest-wearing, gay-bashing, condom-hating crusader:

1. "In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be." --Rick Santorum

2. "One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country.... Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that's okay, contraception is okay. It's not okay. It's a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be." --Rick Santorum

Read more crazy Rick Santorum quotes...

See Also:
� Dumbest Quotes by the GOP Candidates
� Dumbest Mitt Romney Quotes
� Rick Santorum Jokes

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Awkward Public Displays of Affection

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 22:46:58 +0000

In celebration of Valentine's Day, we present the awkward PDA hall of fame, featuring funny photos of politicians kissing, hugging, groping, and more.

Enter Gallery >

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Political Cartoons of the Week

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 03:00:41 +0000

Check out our political cartoon gallery featuring the week's best political cartoons.

New this week: cartoons on Santorum's surge, Obama's Super PAC reversal, Obama's contraceptives mandate, and more.

More Political Cartoon Collections
� Best Political Cartoons of 2011
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Glenn Beck Conspiracy Generator

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 17:22:54 +0000

The liberal media won't tell you this, because they're too busy promoting Obama's socialist agenda to allow gay Muslim illegal immigrants to open a drive-thru abortion clinic in your church, but today is Glenn Beck's birthday.

As a special tribute, we invite you to put on your tinfoil hat and check out the old Glenn Beck Conspiracy Theory Generator — the secret source of his unfailing insanity.

He may have left Fox News, but you can still have a little piece of him whenever you need him.

Happy Birthday, Glenn Beck! We thank you for the comic fodder you've provided over the years, and wish you many happy returns to the mother ship.

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� Craziest Glenn Beck Quotes
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Funny Signs Supporting Gay Marriage

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:49:15 +0000

Gay marriage is once again legal in California, following a federal appeals court ruling striking down the ban voters passed in 2008.

The battle is sure to rage on as the issue heads to the Supreme Court, but one side clearly has the edge when it comes to signage.

See a roundup of the best protest signs supporting marriage equality and gay rights, including clever signs mocking anti-gay protesters.

Read the Signs >

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� Gay Marriage Cartoons
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Political Cartoons of the Week

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 23:59:12 +0000

Check out our political cartoon gallery featuring the week's best political cartoons.

New this week: cartoons on Mitt Romney's "poor" gaffe, Newt Gingrich's moon base, Groundhog Day, and more.

More Political Cartoon Collections
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The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 23:56:37 +0000

"Donald Trump announced that he's endorsing Mitt Romney for president. It was really nice. Trump was like, 'There's only one man with the brains, the skills, and the charisma to be president — but since I'm not running, you might as well vote for Mitt Romney.'" —Jimmy Fallon

"It was a busy day for Trump, because just this morning, his hair popped out of the ground and predicted six more weeks of winter." —Jimmy Fallon

"It's a great day for Mitt Romney. He was endorsed by Donald Trump. Unfortunately it was a split decision. The thing on Trump's head endorsed Gingrich." —Craig Ferguson

"Mitt Romney is getting some heat today for something he said on CNN. He said he's not concerned about the very poor. I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to say that out loud. Romney said the quote was taken out of context. And that he absolutely cares about the poor. In fact, his campaign bus runs on the tears of the poor." —Jimmy Kimmel

"Mitt Romney said he is not concerned with the very poor. That statement worked out well for Marie Antoinette, didn't it?" —Jay Leno

"To be fair, to Mitt Romney the 'very poor' means anyone who doesn't use a solid gold toilet." —Craig Ferguson

"He complained of course that the liberal media made him sound like he was an out-of-touch, rich dick. His point of view was. 'You wouldn't treat Obama this way. I'll bet you $10,000 you wouldn't treat Obama this way.'" —Bill Maher

"Newt Gingrich jumped on Romney's gaffe. He said he does care about the poor people, he loves the very poor. In fact, under his plan, poor black people would be the first ones he's sending up to the moon colony." —Bill Maher

"Romney won Florida. Have you taken a good look at Romney and his wife? They look like a couple in a Levitra commercial. Mitt is the guy you think you look like. Newt is the guy you actually look like." —David Letterman

"I think I can prove that Mitt Romney is the whitest man ever because he won Florida, became the undisputed front runner, and then the next day, the host of Soul Train killed himself." —Bill Maher

"In Florida, Mitt Romney won the Republican presidential primary election. He beat Newt Gingrich handily. Political analysts believe that elderly voters in Florida rejected Newt Gingrich because of fears that he would eventually leave them for a younger state." —Jimmy Kimmel

"Despite his big loss in Florida Newt Gingrich vows to stay in the GOP race. And we all know when Newt takes a vow he really sticks with it." —Jay Leno

"Newt Gingrich wants to build a colony on the Moon. OK, you say, but why? Well, he wants to be the first American to get divorced on the Moon." —David Letterman

‎"Rocky is an obvious parallel for Newt. He's an underdog, a born scrapper, and he is fighting for the chance to be smacked around by a black guy." —Stephen Colbert

"A woman in Illinois is auctioning off a 2005 Chrysler that once belonged to President Obama. You could tell it was Obama's car because it gets off to a fast start and then stalls for the next three years." —Jimmy Fallon

‎"I will not be satisfied until super PAC means, 'a frothy mix of lube and campaign funding that is sometimes the byproduct of politics.'" —Stephen Colbert

"The working girls from the Bunny Ranch Brothel are showing up at Ron Paul rallies because he's a libertarian. What a strange world it is when a presidential candidate can accept an endorsement from a whore...but enough about Romney and Donald Trump." —Bill Maher

"Pfizer recalled a million birth control pills. Nothing wrong with them, except they won't stop you from getting pregnant. Or as the Palin family calls them, Skittles." —Bill Maher

More Late-Night Jokes:
� Best Jokes of 2011
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See Also:
� Mitt Romney Jokes
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